If the weather man says clear today. . .
If the weather man says clear today. . .
If we have another ‘Typical British Summer' this year, I think I might go mad.
It's the time of year that forecasters tend to stick their neck out and predict a ‘barbecue summer' where the whole of the UK is drenched in sunshine.
Drenched is the operative word here.
For consecutive years, nature has contrived against us to deny the type of weather you normally expect in the summer months. Instead, we have been left sodden and wondering what to do on rainy Sunday afternoons.
Well, the internet can save us all.
It was on one of these rainy days last year, upon discovering I had nothing in the fridge for tea and I didn't fancy walking to the shop in the rain, that I realised something profound.
Why leave the house to get soaking wet, only to bring back a poorly made microwave meal from the shop, when you can get what you want by ordering it online and having it delivered to your door?
You can buy an astonishing amount of things on the internet - some useful, most not - but can you buy everything you need to get through a wet week in July without having to leave your house?
Aside from groceries and home delivery, you can manage your bank account, pay bills, book holidays, connect with old friends, make new ones, buy clothes and shoes - all without leaving your armchair.
Google is the enabler in this situation, always tempting you with adverts for new products or nudging you in the right direction of all manner of other websites and ways to chat to people without having to do the odious thing and meet them in person. It would be a slow and gradual descent into slovenliness
First you could quit your job and find a new one where you could work from home. If you were adventurous you could try your hand at online gambling to get by or sell all your outdoors gear on eBay.
Food shopping can be delivered straight to your door. You can do the same for other necessities as well, thereby saving yourself hours of queuing at check-outs.
Lonely? Log onto a chat room.
Granted, the people you are talking to may well be certified lunatics but at least you can keep them at arms length, unlike meeting new people at a bar or social event.
Those looking for love are also catered for by the world wide web, although you might find it difficult to explain why every date you go on takes place in your living room - or porch if you're feeling exotic.
By the end of the first month you could have done away with 80 per cent of the things you leave the house for, in favour of their insta-click alternatives that offer free overnight delivery.
Within six months, living rooms across the country would resemble scenes from The Matrix - all of us slaves to a false world, hardwired into technology until we lose our sense of who we are.
But in the internet-addicted, hermit existence that I envisage another wet summer would bring, it would be our own laziness that keeps us plugged in.
So it's worth bearing in mind this year that there are alternatives to complaining about an endless cycle of rain and drizzle. Especially when the weatherman mentions the words ‘barbecue summer' for the first time, with hope rather than expectation.
ben.morgan@ywng.co.uk
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Weather for Batley
Wednesday 08 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: -3 C to 1 C
Wind Speed: 8 mph
Wind direction: North east
Tomorrow
Light rain
Temperature: 1 C to 3 C
Wind Speed: 8 mph
Wind direction: South west
